Why am I always the one who folds? The one who fights but then backs down?
It shits me, makes me angry. I never get my way and when I do... it just feels so wrong. I feel guilty. Like my conscience is too strong. That what someone else feels is more important than how crap I will feel.
The one time I did say something, completely backfired. Full of regret and hate for that moment.
I wish I knew how to hold a grudge. A wish I could be angry at someone for more than one day. One day does nothing. One day means I can screw you over again and again cause you can never NOT forgive me.
I feel weak. I should stand up for myself. Like when someone yells at me or torments me I should say something back, protect myself, but I don't. I just take it.
And people judge me. But they will never know......
until they've walked in my shoes, experienced my life, breathed the air I've breathed and the hardships I've suffered.
But we can't all be grudge holders, can we? Some MUST fold. It's just the way life is.... and I suppose I always will fold my cards...
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I believe that you are the one that backs down because in you, you believe that what the other person has suggested/stated/argued is correct. You need to learn to argue for yourself. You need to be able to make valid arguments or see fallacies in theirs. Once you have proven your point to be more valid than theirs, you will find yourself winning the fight more often and folding less. One of my biggest mistakes of my past was talking without thinking. You gotta process your thoughts before talking and make sure that they are valid. Saying something obscure and illogical will obviously make you look like a fool and avoiding this can often be difficult.
ReplyDeleteI'd just like to add something to your last paragraph. Rather than "Some MUST fold." I believe that it should be "[i]SomeONE must fold" and if you don't stand tall, then it is you who will fold. You gotta persist. If you don't fold, then they will or you will be arguing or whatever it is, forever. Don't fold because you want to get it over and done with. Spill. Let it out. Tell that person how you feel.
You and I are similar Rebecca. Reading your blog updates has told me a lot about you, and opened up a lot within me. To think this all came from a 14 year old girl is just incredible. You're brilliant :)
Keep it rollin' <3